Woke up earlier this morning feeling all kinds of blessed. Except perhaps me having with a nasty cold for the second week in a row now haha. I can't complain though because my boyfriend made this sick period incredibly bearable. I totally knew how to live a good life being single but seriously, I wouldn't trade living life with my guy for anything in this world. Life with him on my side is just a million times better.
Let me start by saying that 2016 was one of the greatest in terms of my personal faith becoming the strongest it's ever been. It was by far my weirdest year ever. Without going into details, the happenings of 2016 made me come to terms with who God is for me.
Throughout my personal story, "Are you even there, God?" has been a frequently repeated question. Of course, I've never had to work very hard to find God in the good times, but I'm sure I'm not alone when I say it's not equally easy when you're on the brink of death, if you're really ill, if you experience abuse or rape, lose someone you love or find yourself in any other situation where you feel like your spirit is left broken and your heart likewise.
2016 was my questions changing from "God, why are you doing this to me?" to "Where are you? I can't see you. I'm breaking and I need you."
There is a huge and vital difference between these two questions, one implying that God is having his hand in darkness, the other being me not seeing him in the darkness I am finding myself going through. This has been such an important change of mindset to me. I am still left with the question why bad things are allowed to happen, but to think that there is a God who loves me more than any human can ever do, is empowering beyond measure.
Because He is not the one putting me through horrible things to teach me lessons or beat me up for my wrongdoings. He is the one helping me through them so that I can heal and make something useful out of the pain. He's not the representative of evil. He is the one representing all that is good.
Isn't it just really amazing that although we wander through this fallen world lost and sometimes on the wrong path, God is always wooing us back to Him. Through a new realization. Through a new encounter. Through things that make our heart flutter; coffee with a friend in the afternoon; baby cuddles; a helping hand or a new opportunity. It is the ultimate love story. Jesus loved us so much that He gave his own life for us, knowing what we've done and knowing what we will do. That is the love He has for us, and that is the example of loving being set for us.
It is the ultimate love story.
2016, I don't want you back but you closed up really well. However, I just want it to be said that you've got nothing on 2017 because it's already my favorite year ever. Tomorrow it's Valentine's Day and I can't believe I'm actually going to spend it with the man I intend to share the rest of my life with.
I still have to pinch myself.
God, you sure work in mysterious ways.