Hey! How you holding up? I hope this long weekend has treated you awesomly so far and if not - I hope next week will treat you way better! Mine has been a good one. Post midsummer's lack-of-energy state had me slow-mode:ing and introverting all Saturday and I'm not complaining. However, the sleep I intended to get went right out the window thanks to Copa América so I'm seriously considering continuing this slow-mode:ing thing I have going on this whole day too..
I've been trying to write a letter to my future self quite some time now but everything about it has felt so yucky and blaah so I decided to ditch that idea and write something for my future kids instead. Way more fun.
So. This one for my future babies. These are the seven things i'd like for my curly haired monos to know...
On guilt: You are never responsible for someone else's actions. You are only responsible for yours. If you hurt someone else, that is on you. But if you are the one being hurt, manipulated or harassed, that guilt is never yours to carry. You are NEVER responsible for someone else's actions, whether they are triggered by your actions or not.
Forgive yourself: Imma J. Cole you right here. "Born sinner, was never born to be perfect." Your future mama believes in a God who loves you despite you making the wrong choices, screwing up and getting completely off track. Whether or not you'll end up sharing my belief, I want you to at least believe in grace. Because grace tells us that though we are flawed, we are cherished. That instead of letting our mistakes serve shame, we will let them serve a greater purpose. Grace says that we’re not only beautifully imperfect, we are also amazingly exceptional, even when we do wrong Being filled with guilt, shame and whatever usually increases the risk of unawaringly being an ass too so It's really a win-win for everyone.
"When I say I am a sinner it is not an excuse; it is a measure of humility facing betterment." - Pharrell Williams
Forgive others: I wholeheartedly hope your childhood won't be anything like your mama's, but whatever your upbringing and life will look like, there will always be people who will hurt you whether they intend to or not. The best thing you can do for yourself is at least try to forgive them. Not for their sake, but for yours. It seriously sucks going through life holding onto all the anger that comes with never forgiving. And you know what? Trusting and giving people second chances, that is all your choice amor. Forgiving is not the same thing as accepting. It's okay to actually close doors and lock that shit, it's okay to not want someone in your life and it's also totally okay to love people from a distance.
On being sensitive: Being sensitive is being vulnerable, Being sensitive meaning; allowing yourself to feel stuff; not allowing every kind of behaviour; stepping away from situations and saying no more often than your friends. Saying that it's hard is putting it lightly. However, young padawan, it's all worth it. This world needs more sensitive people. They are game changers.
On crying: You know what? My father always got angry with me when I cried. It was awful and confusing, and I know you'd feel the same if I told you to stop crying, too. So, cry all you want! Seriously. I might think you're a bit ridiculous & dramatic at times but by all means cry. You'll probably see me cry a couple of times too, it's not that big of a deal. And if people tell you to stop crying, you totally have my permission to throw a scientific report on how crying is good for you up their face and then get the hell outta there.
On choosing your friends: Okay, I know this is a hard one. New people will enter your life all the time, you change, they change and sometimes it takes time until you realize whether or not someone is bad for you. It's an ongoing process. Just know this. When you go through low parts of life, your friends are either the ones giving you the hope, love and support you need to get through, or keep you in the state of thinking life is awful, hopeless and that you should just accept life being shitty. Just as these friends either encourage your growth, cheer you on as you succeed and win, or try to keep you as the version only they happen to be comfortable with.
So, just as important it is for you to be a good friend, it is for you to have people in your life that add greatness to it instead of being stones in your shoes.
On protecting your heart: Well...mama is still trying to figure this one out. We live in a world where people make things that could be really simple incredibly complicated, and it's impossible to have a "one size fits all" template to life because all people you meet are different. You learn though. You're smart and you'll do good. Whatever you do: playing games, becoming what you yourself have been hurt by and shutting people out just to "protect your heart" ain't the way to go. Be brave. Try again. Do your best. Keep up that good work with seeing goodness in people.
PS. I don't know but ending up in really weird situations and making things awkward doesn't seem to disappear with age so sorry in advance.
Yaasss it's that time of the month so you can't judge! Also I've got questions. Have you ever thought about what you want your future kiddos to know? Hit me in the comment section!